I cannot even begin to express the happiness it brings to my heart to see his progression over the last few months though. Comprehension is still a source of struggle for us, however, this boy is beginning to say things that are relevant and stringing more and more words together. I am happy to report that he has become well versed in telling his little brother to kick rocks. "NO! Stop! Go Away! Mine!" The twos are terrible, looking forward to the thrilling threes, and as some of my friends have stated...the f***ing fours. Can't imagine what wonderful times are in store for us. Especially with two so close in age. Yes, I do have a teenager - but the early years with her have fogged over with time, and I remember parades and school plays mostly. Not the meltdowns and setbacks and sleepless nights. Also, there was only one of her. These days, I'm outnumbered. Reaching for the Zoloft....
We have been using visual cues (and sometimes shameless bribes) to help him through transitions, they seem to helping quite a bit, and have only enhanced his vocabulary. Some of them are quite funny.
Reggie doesn't seemed to be bothered by the missing facial features, so for now, we just go with it.
Hooray for progress!
We are still working on things like small requests. If I ask him to get me one of his toys, naming it specifically - he usually will walk away, disinterested, or ignore me completely. Hit and miss. Possibly selective hearing at work? Men.... If I tell him to get his shoes though, he will. Every time/mostly. This boy loves to get out and play. He usually does better taking his cues from me through modeling on my behalf, rather than barking out commands from my parental pedestal.
Again, it's not the speech delay that concerned me - it was the lack of comprehension, and the inability to express what he wanted or needed, even through signing or pointing. When I took him in to have him evaluated and tested, it was confirmed that he was struggling in these areas, and I could stop over enunciating and shouting like a moron, because he didn't have a hearing deficit.
Now, when he wants something - he will point or gesture towards it, if he doesn't know how to say what it is. However, that is now becoming less and less. He is really locking in the names for specific objects, and saying them, which is awesome. We are cautiously trying to watch the four letter words now, but when the day does come that he repeats an un-savory word, in our house it would probably be met with pride and joy - because it's progress in language, however foul!
With all the breakthroughs, there are roadblocks and setbacks. Reggie not only struggles with communication and comprehension, he struggles with sensory input. He is hypersensitive to noise to a degree that has completely changed how we do things, and when and where we go anywhere. We ignore the little stuff, and just proclaim what it is. For example...the sound of a lawnmower two blocks away will have him sticking his fingers in his ears and stating (awoud) his word for "It's loud." We just say, "no" it's not loud, it's a lawnmower, and it's far away. The more dismissive we are with the little things, the less and less he seeks out reciprocation. Yes, to him it is louder and perhaps a little scary, but he isn't in panic mode, so we just try to be laissez faire about it. Otherwise, the boy would never take his fingers out of his ears. Before we knew what was really happening, or why he was doing this, I had taken him to the doctor a handful of times because I thought he had an ear infection. I'm sure I'm on the list as one of THOSE mothers.
A truck passing by, a lawnmower up close, sounds in the supermarket, the vacuum, the blender, etc. Will send him into a high alert. If the noise continues or becomes even louder, he will have a complete and total anxiety triggered meltdown, and then in good form - like any good parent. So will I.
My daughter had one public meltdown when she was 5. I will never forget it, how intense it was, and how humiliated it made me feel as a mother, and a human being in general. A failure at life and motherhood for sure! I've lost count of all the public displays of displeasure that my son has displayed. I have grown a super thick skin, and really honestly - do not get embarrassed as easily. Most of the time, people are very understanding. One woman even offered to help me push my stroller when I couldn't - it was so kind of her, and she just smiled and said she'd "been there". Some people, very rarely - are rude. An elderly man at the grocery store told my son to "be quiet". I figured, he had earned the right to shush little kids in public places, and shake his head at the state of the world and "kids today". I am too busy to concern myself with the quick rush to judgment of innocent bystanders. Even when Reggie isn't in the throes of a tantrum, he's loud - and not many people are fans of this, I'm finding. I'm not really either, but it could always be worse. He is not spoiled, but if people want to think that, so be it. I saw this and it made me laugh, but it also made me mad. Because yeah, back in your day, that may have been true, but you also didn't put your baby in a car seat, and smoking was acceptable during pregnancy, need I say more? Progress is good.
For the auditory sensitivity, we have called in the aide of a pair of noise muffling earphones. Those are for home use. We are also going to try wax molding earplugs, that remain unseen, but give Reggie some relief when we are out in public places. I've been assured that these are great, because if he swallows them, it's totally fine. Totally nasty, but totally fine. Knowing my son though, he will just chew on them forever, then spit them out on the carpet when I'm not looking. Then his brother will eat them. Circle of life.
Because he is comforted by enclosed spaces - we drape him in a big hoodie sweatshirt and let him sit on a soft blanket at the end of the grocery cart. He also stays occupied by chewing gum or eating his apple. He loves his apples and he is calm when he feels enclosed and not so exposed. I can understand that completely.
Massage therapy is a daily routine, because he craves pressure on his joints. He has a disturbingly high tolerance for pain, and thinks nothing of butting his head on hard surfaces, (such as MY head) body checking, and stomping the floor away. It is fun. *sarcasm. For this, we swing, we dance, we made a ballpit, bought a trampoline, we use weighted blankets, pillows, and bean bags. (Sometimes one of us retreats and hides while the other parent isn't looking.) These are all boredom busters, and a healthy way for him to redirect his outrageously exhausting need for large motor sensory stimuli. We are exhausted, and we need massage therapy as well. Unfortunately, it's not covered by our medical insurance, like Reggie's - so we opt for impromptu narcoleptic fits in the recliner, or any other soft surface, and Advil. Also, wine....and whine.
He stacks, he sorts, he builds. It is awesome. We are encouraging it, rather than being alarmed by it. He can focus intently for several minutes at a time, which allows for more moments like this for mom.
Sleep is not happening right now. This waxes and wanes. But so far, we're in a 3 month slump. I slept better when my babies were newborns. Another big hurdle that we are trying to figure our way over, through, or around. I've tried bargaining with God. So far, no go.
The specialist who last observed Reggie, did point out that although he exhibits many behaviors that put him on the spectrum of Autism, there is one in particular that does not, and I think a lot of parents who have children with SPD can relate to this. That is his ability to engage and express emotion on a consistent level. Yes, their child may be more withdrawn than what is the norm, but they do express and show emotion and affection. He smiles more than the Cheshire cat. He laughs and even though sometimes you have to say his name a million times before he will look at you - he has no problem maintaining eye contact. We have the option of bringing him in for a diagnosis at any point thus far, but it is so subjective, and he is still so young...it was comforting to hear her say that there is nothing wrong with just waiting it out and trying different therapies and solutions - and tracking his progress as we've been doing. Then reevaluating later on.
So, all of this leaves us with this really intricate puzzle that is our son. Like all children, he is complex in his own ways, and he didn't come with an instruction manual. So I finally feel for the first time that we don't need a diagnosis, and I'm okay if we never get one at this point. That may change as he gets older. However, I am his advocate, and he has access to the help he needs, and he will - throughout his schooling and beyond. If he needs it. I am grateful and thankful for the help of all the amazing people we have met so far.
His irritability, sensitivities, and behaviors can sometimes set us back, (more so mine, I confess) but the therapy and solutions for those issues are and I trust will help as we go along, to some degree - I know there will be a lot of hits and misses as well. I can say, for all his struggles, each and every one...there are a dozen things that he shines in. He is so friendly, and so loving, he steals my heart. Every single day. I don't know where he will be in 5, 10 years' time, in 20 years. I do however, want to give him all the tools he needs to be the best he can be at whatever capacity he can. I don't want him to be treated differently, but I do want him to be given consideration and to feel safe as he navigates his way through childhood. Just like any other child. Don't we all want that for our kids? That and less whining and more sleep. With less of one and more of the other, I can take on the world. ;-)
