Oxymoron Lentil Soup

Apparently, Esau gave up his birth right for this amazingness.  It must have been one helluva recipe, because I might give up a few things for lentil soup - but certainly not my inheritance, if I actually had one.  But whatever, he must have been starving. (Genesis 25: 30-34).  
Here is my recipe.  Eat your heart out Esau.  Well, maybe not - mine has pork in it....so.  Oh, and apparently there are lots of healthy goodies in these little lentils, like mucho medicinal properties or something like that.  It doesn't just give you moderate gas.  ;-)
 
1 pkg. of lentils 2 cups
6-8 cups of water or chicken stock/broth/bouillon (I have been using bouillon cubes lately) a cheap and easy fast way to add flavor, as long as you aren't too worried about sodium and retaining water.
1 onion finely chopped until you begin to weep with stinging eye pain and then just cut the rest of that s&*% up and throw it in.  What the hell, it will cook down.  Who cares.
Garlic - as much as you want in whatever form you want.  May it ooze out of your pores.  Yum. 
Tomatoes - take those fresh tomatoes that will just go bad anyway, (because you forget they are at the bottom of your veggie bin), chop them up and throw them in.  dammit.
Carrots and whatever the heck else you need to dispose of in the dark corners of your fridge that hasn't spoiled.
Meat.  Whatever you have.  Except lunch meat.  Don't do that.  Or hot dogs.  I threw in some Italian sausage, just to mix up the ethnic pool, and to create an ironic soupy dish. 
Crock pot on low.
Do whatever you want, for like a whole day. 
Then dish into a bowl and eat, and slurp.
Salt and pepper to taste.  :-)  I garnished mine with some flax seed blue corn toasted torts, and some sour cream.  If you are watching your calories, nonfat plain yogurt is a great SC substitute.