Top 10 Things I Wish Someone Had Told Me....
(About Pregnancy)

You would think I'm a pro at this point.  After all, this is my third trip down pregnancy lane.  I should be sipping tea and feeling oh so zen, as I knit baby booties, listening to Pandora, all the while preparing a homemade meal from scratch for the family.  All this as my perfect children occupy themselves with interactive and educational activities, so I can get something done!  Yes, Reginald is in his playpen thumbing through his Baby Sign Language books right now...practicing, he's most definitely NOT banging on the sliding glass door with greased up banana hands while pooping in his generic brand disposable diaper.  Also, Naomi is at her desk doing her homework and preparing for finals.  She's not on You Tube, or texting 500 words per minute to 5 different friends simultaneously.  She is pretty perfect though, she is great at multi-tasking.

So, to put it plainly.  I know a lot DON'T know everything when it comes to being a preggie, or a mother for that matter. Every pregnancy is different, every child comes with their own natural disposition.  I am a student of life, and learning a lot as I go - just like everyone else.  I may have obsessed for several years over childhood development, and although it has made parenting so much easier for me, this just makes me kind of a weirdo, honestly.  Singing nursery rhymes, (knowing all of them by heart) and getting excited about picture books and story time, sensory tables, and different recipes for playdough and flubber is not normal for most adults.   

So, there will probably be a series of these Top 10 Lists.  I'm starting from scratch.  I'm starting from the beginning.  Well, no.  Let's skip the VERY beginning.  I'm starting with pregnancy.  Top 10 Things I Wish Someone Had Told Me....About Pregnancy. 

10)  Hormones.  They start swinging before you even test positive.  No, it is not normal to ugly cry every time you see that Folger's commercial where the kid comes home from college, and his sister tells him how much she's missed him.....oh hell.  Make it stop.

9)  Hormones, again.  This one is for your spouse.  "No, I'm fine.  Nothing's wrong."  Translation...."Yes, everything is wrong, and it's pretty much everything you said and how you said it."  Insert ugly cry.

8)  Do not obsess about your weight, at least try not to.  Eat, and eat well.  You are nurturing a human life that is growing inside of you. Yes, it's true, you are not supposed to eat for two double your portion size, but if you are hungry, then eat for jeeper's sakes. Keep granola bars in your purse, or an apple - to help you out if you find yourself feeling a little sluggish and lightheaded while you are out and about.   Stop counting calories and somebody please pass the potatoes!  Most women are constantly obsessing about weight, and dress size.  Now is not that time.  Yes, eat healthy, and indulge just a little, but for God's sake.  Eat.  This does not include the first trimester, when I spent the majority of all my pregnancies hovering in a pergatory state of nausea while nibbling on saltine crackers.

7)  Pickles are not your friend.  I love salt.  If there were a platter of potato chips on one side of the counter, and chocolate cupcakes on the other....I would pick the greasy crunchy salted potato chips, any day.  Pregnant or not.  However, pregnant.  Not.  No.  Watch the salt, high blood pressure and pre-eclampsia is no joke.  Ditch it, and only meet up with it sparingly.  No bueno.  I had a hard time saying no to salt with my first pregnancy, and I had the edema to prove it.  Although, some of us get edema because we are pre-disposed.  Another fun side effect of carrying a baby in your uterus for 9 months.

6)  Boobs. Drop some serious coin on a good supporting bra or two.  Maybe take a mental picture, because they will change.  That's all I'm going to say about that.  ;-)

BEFORE

AFTER

AKA: Pie Boobs?

5) Skin.  It will stretch, weird things will probably appear.  Some will fade and disappear, others will take up residence and decide to stay.  It's nothing to be ashamed of, and don't let anyone tell you different.  However, take care of yourself and baby your skin with good lotions.  You deserve it.  I spent almost 30 dollars on a bottle of oily cocoa lotion for my expanding skin, and it was worth it, plus it made me smell good. 

Ha!  Yeah right.  Nobody looks like this pregnant, and you won't and it's okay.

4)  Sleep.  I don't think I really need to expand on this one. We all know what's coming, while you are waiting, sleep - and cherish it.

3)  Enlist Your Bulldog.  Unless you have an inner bulldog, and you can tell people no without hesitation.  This is not me.  I entrust these duties to my loving partner - who is happy to tell people no on my behalf.  When I am feeling just too pregnant, or tired to have visitors, or if I just cannot volunteer for one more thing.  He's my guy.  Also, when you're out in public and 10 months pregnant, let him answer all the endless and annoying questions from strangers about when your baby may or may not be coming, as you look on and smile.

2)  Castor Oil, Enemas, etc.  Just say no.  I'm so glad I did.  Your baby will come, trust your body, and your midwife or doctor. 

1)  Lighten Up.  This is a difficult one, because of the hormone thing.  However, in the grand scheme of things - people just can't help but dole out all sorts of wanted a$$vice when they see a growing belly or a newborn baby.  Some is actually sweet and helpful, and harmless, and some will make you want to scream.  Just smile and nod, and shrug it off if you can.  This is your time, and your baby.  In the end, you have the final say, and in the end this is the most miraculous and beautiful life changing thing that you will ever experience, enjoy it - and savor it.  It's only for a moment, and then it's gone.

Coming soon....Top 10 Things I Wish Someone Had Told Me About Moving Out of State.  (To Oregon, more specifically)