Thanks, Doc

Well, this mama is headed back to work in less than 2 weeks.  Aside from crying and pouting like a big baby over it, and possibly having a grown up tantrum - I have made peace with it.  We found a childcare center that we absolutely love, and for what we are being charged, they will be loving us back, and as my wonderful man so rightly put it; "They had better be using 14kt gold wipes to wipe our son's butt." Or fresh dollar bills.


Reggie had his first round of vaccinations last week, and we had the pleasure of sitting in the waiting room for an hour and a half!  This is what happens when you schedule an appointment a week before school starts, and all parents are rushing in for last minute whooping cough vaccines.  Thanks, parents.  Who in the world waits until the very last moment to take care of something so important?  Ahem...looking away from a mile high stack of insurance forms to my left, and yes, I just ordered a copy of my daughter's birth certificate from the Department of Records, after 13 years.  Pot, meet kettle.


Anyhow, speaking with baby's pediatrician about heading back to work she promptly asks me what I do for a living.  After hearing what my job is, she tells me to bathe myself in hand sanitizer every day before I touch my child, and to stay away from all kids who haven't been vaccinated, and to expect my son to be sick at least once a month, and "Goodluck with that."


Hmph! Could she be any more of an ass?  As right as she is, really - no matter what it is you do for a living, if you work with the public, or even step out of your house for that matter, you are exposing yourself to all kinds of bacteria and pathogens, and words to describe these things that are hard to pronounce.  If anything, I firmly believe working with little ones for over 12 years now has bolstered my immune system to superhero proportions.  Who has two thumbs and does not need a flu shot? This lady. I am immersing myself (unintentionally) in all sorts of germies on a daily basis, and fighting off most illnesses just fine.  I know this year is going to be a doozie for us, and little man will be fighting off lots of interesting strains of this and that, and you know what.  However, this is a part of life - and he's a healthy strong baby. Being exposed to germs and bacteria are just going to happen, and his little body will adapt and begin to fight them off  like the human body is built to do.  At least, this is my hope and prayer.  Or I could just send him to childcare in one of these...


Catch me later when I am buried under a mountain of Kleenex and a fussy baby in two month's time.  My opinions may have changed, and you know what they say about opinions.

The Eyes Have It

It has been said that they are the windows to the soul.  That they "have it".  You can tell so much by looking into someone's eyes.  Or can you?  I don't know, but if you have a teenage daughter - you'd probably notice that they are silent weapons.  Somehow, an eye roll or a long drawn out look up to the ceiling exposing the whites of one's eyes is the ultimate sign of disrespect to a parent, or teacher, or any person in authority for that matter.  Also, have you noticed that when you roll your eyes with complete and utter abandon, that it actually hurts a little?  It takes a lot of effort, but it gets your point across without having to say a word.

Lately, with all that is happening in Washington - don't you just honestly want to roll your eyes?  I am not seasoned nor up to par on all the issues to actually make an educated statement or voice my ignorant opinion about it all.  However, I can roll my eyes.  It's my right. 
This Newsweek cover is getting all kinds of attention, and as blatantly bi-partisan as it is...it is a bit warranted.

  Bachmann and many of her cohorts have been getting all kinds of attention lately for sticking their political feet in their mouths. She is famous for  rewriting history.  See here for a take on the whole thing.

 She is an easy target.  We live in a free country.  Freedom of the press, and yes - it was a little ballsy for them to run this cover of her looking a little crazy in the eyes, but maybe she just had a little too much caffeine.  She's passionate about the issues, she's passionate about her country, she's passionate about having her picture taken, and it shows.  The eyes have it.  With all that is happening in our world, Look to caption on the right of Newsweek cover, I think it's just fine to poke fun at some of our leaders, and even roll our eyes at them. 

Summer of Love

Never in my life have I felt so content, and so much love.  This is my "What I Did Last Summer" essay.  Well technically, summer isn't over yet, but I just love having an excuse to say in a creepy voice..."I Know What You Did Last Summer," and reminisce about a ridiculously stupid movie from back in the day, that was never able to recreate a worthy sequel.


By the way, off topic here...but I just have to revert back to a hormonal teenage moment and ask you who YOU think is hotter.  Ryan or Freddie?  I'm a Freddie Fan myself, I've been hanging out with my daughter and her friends way too much.  Back to the subject at hand, (ADD moment over).

I kicked my summer off early in the month of May, and I had the best time puttering around my apartment, taking long leisurely naps in the afternoon, and doing quite frankly....whatever the hell I wanted to.  Well, that's a bit of an exaggeration.  When you are 9 months pregnant, you really can't do whatever you want.  There are a few physical and possibly emotional limitations, but regardless - the living was easy and it was so nice. 

When our little man arrived right on his due date, it was pretty much the most beautiful moment in our lives, aside from when our daughters were born ( I am speaking for my significant other, and I do this often, because I'm a woman).   Not only did I have the easiest pregnancy ever, but labor and delivery was a cinch, thanks to an IV and a certain man with a very large needle and a medical degree.  He was amazing, and when he finished I told him how good he was, and that I hardly felt a thing.  Yes, I just said that - because that's exactly how it happened.  Get your mind out of the gutter.   So, after 10 hours of sub par labor, I say this because I spent most of it sleeping...and 15 minutes of pushing, our son was born, and he was large.  When the epidural wore off, I really began to appreciate just how large - but that's a whole different post.  Here he is just minutes after, and he was just so perfect.  All 8 lbs 10 oz. of him. 

  I look completely haggard, and I think it's appropriate for the circumstance.  Haggard and happy. Here's my other child.  She's pretty stoked, she wouldn't be if she had actually witnessed the whole thing. Two thumbs up.  Is it just me, or do I look high?  No comment.

The following 2 1/2 months since Reggie's birth have been full of wonderful moments, many a leaky diaper, all kinds of baby goodness.  Gas, spit up, coos, goos, yawns, fussies, and wails sprinkled with lots and lots of love and memories to last a lifetime.  Here are some of my favorite moments....

Reggie and Auntie Rachel.  Not a dry eye in the room I tell ya.

Seriously, the greatest dad I could have ever wanted for my children.

Hard to believe Chris' beautiful daughter Sierra will soon be turning 15!  I love this picture, and I love that he is so happy. 

Love.

Our family.

And then of course, there are the grandparents....we love you mom and dad x 2!  :-)

This last one cracks me up.  Holding a newborn is totally natural for dad - I believe when this photo was snapped we were talking about cars. 
 
Last but not least, and best of all.  This. This is why I had the best summer ever.  Thank you for being born little Reggie.  Love you beyond words.  Xoxo

Meet Reggie

I am not one to shove pictures and videos down people's throats, but here I am shoving.  We love our little man to pieces, and we are just in awe.  From every little grunt, hiccup, gasey smile, poop, and wail.  There is something magical about a newborn baby, and it is such a fleeting moment in your life with your child.  Before we know it there will be baby food, tantrums, and backtalk.  For now, just bliss - and little sleep.  ;-)

A Long Weekend

I had the most fantastical and interesting bout with false labor this last week!  All I can really say is....well, damn it.  It was unpleasant.  So maybe it did some work - and when it actually really gets going I won't have quite as much work to do.  Nonetheless, by Saturday evening, we came to terms with the fact that little Reginald was not going to make his appearance this weekend after all... and we decided to make the most of it and enjoy the much needed rest and sunshine. 


We stopped at the Veteran's Memorial at the park to pay our respects.  We enjoyed some family bonding time, and a nice day in Morro Bay and Cayucos.  Note, I cannot walk out of my apartment or go anywhere for that matter these days without drawing attention to myself.  I realize now, looking at this picture - that even wearing a big bulky black sweatshirt cannot mask the fact that I am ready to pop.

  Chris was amazing, and so supportive, cooking and cleaning, and making sure to spend some extra time with Naomi, who yes.  Even at almost 13 is showing signs of jealousy.  More on that later....but very grateful to have such a caring and thoughtful person to share my life with, and a strong male role model that my daughter can look up to and learn from, and that my son will call Dad.  So emotional.  So pregnant.  Sniff sniff....Until next time ~

Oh, if you need a laugh, check this out.  Bahahahhaahahahaha!

Baby Shower

I had the best time. I was resigned to not even have a Baby Shower, this being my second time around. However, I have some very wonderful and generous people in my life who took the time and effort to do something very special for myself and my family ~ so thank you. From the bottom of my heart.

Responsibility

Well, it’s been a while. Aside from finally taking my leave at work - at 36 weeks, (we’re now at 39 - and that "Final Countdown" song is in my head right now), I have still yet to find the time for the things I really would like to do. Using that sewing machine, putting time and effort into writing, (I was craving chocolate covered frozen bananas…like 3 months ago - my blog has been abandoned it seems), and maybe even really getting lost in a book. Alas, I think that maybe I am avoiding all of these things due to an overwhelming need to nest. To prepare for what is very soon to come. I wake in the morning with excitement about doing a flipping load of laundry for Pete’s sake. Crazy. Maybe so - because in my normal daily life, laundry was a pain in my ass that I had to make time for around my work schedule. Now here I am at home, and I can do laundry all day. If there’s nothing to wash, I will find something damn it. And I dare anyone to try and stop me! I’ve washed all of my son’s clothes - and every time we receive or purchase anything new for him…I get excited about washing it. Seriously.  Here is our little nursery nook.  We are planning on moving in the not too distant future - so trying to keep things simple. Also, I love that this bassinet is portable.  It is going to be right next to my bed very soon!

Anyhow, back to the subject at hand...sometimes, it takes certain things to shake me up, to you know…get me writing. When life is complacent and with its normal annoyances, I tend to get caught up in the mundane. I start to just go through the motions. However, there are things keeping me up at night lately. Maybe it’s just my pregnant body preparing me for the very near future. Whatever it is, I cannot fall asleep at a decent hour these days, and when my mind does shut down - it is very soon awoken with thoughts that nag at my brain. Mistakes I have made in the past (regrets), something I said that I wish I could take back, or just all the bad things that happen every day, every moment in this world - and how lucky I am that I have my family and home, and that we are all safe and relatively happy.

I guess, I carry a whole crap load of guilt around on my shoulders. I feel awful about things I did nearly 2 decades ago to my parents. I lay awake at night wondering if my daughter will ever be able to get past her hurt and anger over coming from a broken home and all the emotional trimmings that go along with it. No matter how I try to explain to her all the why’s and how’s of all the choices I made in the past - in order to change our circumstances, there is still resentment and blame there, and it is dead center focused on me. Selfishly, I just want to scream at the top of my lungs and let it all out. Like a child. Exclaiming proclamations and placing blame anywhere but on myself. Shouting out what I believe to be true and right, and vindicating myself from all of it. From the mess that I most undoubtedly bestowed upon her - along with others. However, I am mom, the sole caretaker, the one who had to put a stop to the way things were, and therefore, the target. The punching bag.

When I really sit back and think about it - I absolutely get it. I understand, and I accept it. I am not too proud a parent to pause at certain times and apologize when warranted. Yes, there is a limit - I am the adult, and there has to be a level of respect and obedience on her part, but I also have to take all those emotions and really stop and pay attention to them when they come flying at me, because - she has every right to feel them. Sometimes they come in a whisper, sometimes through tears, sometimes hysteria, and sometimes with utter and complete deafening silence. The logical side of me knows…no matter what. She would have these emotions. Even if our lives were the most ordinary of ordinary. It’s her age and stage. She would find something to be angry about, she would find something to question, something, anything to create a stir.

Being a parent is the most beautiful and heartbreaking experience of my life. It has humbled me to the core - and brought me to my knees many a time. There is something so fragile and delicate about our relationship with our children. We will undoubtedly fail, we will inevitably have our hearts broken in ways we never could have even begun to imagine.

In many ways, I believe that through all of this I have learned more than anything…that I shouldn’t obsess and over analyze everything that has happened to me while on this earth, (aside from the absolutely tragic moments in life). That yes, it hurt like hell when this or that happened, and yes, it changed me. No matter who’s fault it was, no matter who was responsible - I hold the power in how I choose to process it. In how I take those experiences and move on with my life, because at the end of the day, it’s my life, it’s my happiness - and my responsibility to get on with it, before it catches up and swallows me and who I am and everything I wish to be. OMG - I sound like an episode of Oprah. 

For my daughter, I hope she grows to learn some sense of this. After all the teenage drama and questioning of authority and blah blah blah. So annoying.  Ahem.... Someday, hopefully not too many years from now, I hope she can take all my mistakes and those of others that affected her - and be stronger for it. I hope she can look into her own child’s eyes one day and see the bigger picture. I hope that she is humbled and blessed at the same time, and grows to know and realize that she is the only one responsible for her well being and peace of mind, that no one or no thing can take that away from her. That yes, it's okay to feel angry and to face all of those things that we feel messed us up in our life (sometimes head on), but also.... life has to move on and in order to grow personally, we must take all that crap, and let it go - if not all of it, as much as we can. We are responsible for our actions, for how we react, for how we choose to live despite what life throws at us. A lesson that I can never teach her - but only let her learn and find on her own. 

This is not to say that I am the mother of a morose and miserable young lady, who sits around looking for things to complain about.  To the contrary!  I am so proud of her and all her accomplishments.  I am in awe of her tenacity and amused by her unique and sometimes strange and hilarious sense of humor. I am touched by her sweet sensibility and love of things all family oriented.  This is a child who will sit and talk with all the adults in the room with no interest whatsoever in texting on her phone, or browsing the Internet on her laptop.  She would much rather hang out with mom - or whomever is at home, asking us endless questions and proclaiming unproven facts about everything from the assassination of Osama Bin Laden to hybrid dolphins in the Pacific.  I am shocked frankly, at how smart she is - and wonder where she got it from.  Probably her Uncle Bob.  Certainly not yours truly!

In the meantime, I will do my best - as a mother to a teenage girl to keep my cool (most of the time) and refrain from unleashing my motherly wrath upon her whenever my temper gets lost. I will save my abandonment of sanity and patience, only for the most necessary of times when warranted, and that’s all I can say about that. ;-)