Saturday, May 26, 2012
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
10 Things I Love, Wish I’d Known, and Find Amusing….
About Moving From CA to OR
10. Native Oregonians are few and far between. In fact, the majority of people I’ve met over the last 7 months are actually from CA. Any native will agree with this statement, then roll their eyes, and make a comment about invasion or something.
9. Don’t ever forget that you are in Oregon, and try to get out of your car to pump gas. Like ever. Also, when you live in Portland, remember that Washington is just a blink away, and you will need to pump your own gas. Don’t sit in your car waiting. Like an ass.
8. No sales tax!
7. Driving around with CA plates in a large metro area in any state, but especially the big O, is like having a huge “Kick Me” sign taped to your back. Or “Please Flip Me Off, Tailgate, and Cut Me Off, I Deserve it, and These Plates Automatically Make Me a Jackass Taking Up Space on Your Roadways!”
6. Green! No, not that kind of green. But hey, if that’s your thing. I hear there’s a butt load up here, and apparently it’s top notch. Seriously though, lush green trees, rivers, streams….This comes with the price of lots of rain. I just pretend I’m fancy and I live in London and like to drink tea and eat scones. It makes it a little more bearable. On most clear days I can see Mt. Hood and St. Helens in the distance too. The scenery is breathtaking.
5. Hippies. Scary hippies. Not your happy and thoughtful, organic loving, skirt wearing, flowery, frolicking through the streets of SF hippie. Friggin’ strung out, things nesting in my hair, dead eye hippies. Zombie hippies.
4. Good people (Not the zombie hippies). There are rude people everywhere. However, I must say - most people up here are incredibly friendly and engaging. Even in the city. Sometimes I forget I’m not in a small town anymore.
3. Portland, OR has the largest amount of strip clubs per capita of any large city in the U.S. That being said, they’re everywhere. It’s not just right here in Portland. There are also peep show places, adult shops, bikini coffee shops (that must be a PacNW thing), all over the place. When I ask any native about this, I get mixed answers. Maybe it’s because OR is one of the only states that allows full nudity. Or, it’s because back in the day, this state was overrun with lots of lonely loggers. ;-)
2. OMG, I don’t have to register my car for another 2 years. Also, my license doesn’t expire for another 6! Like like like.
1. There is no In ‘N’ Out.
About Moving From CA to OR
10. Native Oregonians are few and far between. In fact, the majority of people I’ve met over the last 7 months are actually from CA. Any native will agree with this statement, then roll their eyes, and make a comment about invasion or something.
9. Don’t ever forget that you are in Oregon, and try to get out of your car to pump gas. Like ever. Also, when you live in Portland, remember that Washington is just a blink away, and you will need to pump your own gas. Don’t sit in your car waiting. Like an ass.
8. No sales tax!
7. Driving around with CA plates in a large metro area in any state, but especially the big O, is like having a huge “Kick Me” sign taped to your back. Or “Please Flip Me Off, Tailgate, and Cut Me Off, I Deserve it, and These Plates Automatically Make Me a Jackass Taking Up Space on Your Roadways!”
6. Green! No, not that kind of green. But hey, if that’s your thing. I hear there’s a butt load up here, and apparently it’s top notch. Seriously though, lush green trees, rivers, streams….This comes with the price of lots of rain. I just pretend I’m fancy and I live in London and like to drink tea and eat scones. It makes it a little more bearable. On most clear days I can see Mt. Hood and St. Helens in the distance too. The scenery is breathtaking.
5. Hippies. Scary hippies. Not your happy and thoughtful, organic loving, skirt wearing, flowery, frolicking through the streets of SF hippie. Friggin’ strung out, things nesting in my hair, dead eye hippies. Zombie hippies.
4. Good people (Not the zombie hippies). There are rude people everywhere. However, I must say - most people up here are incredibly friendly and engaging. Even in the city. Sometimes I forget I’m not in a small town anymore.
3. Portland, OR has the largest amount of strip clubs per capita of any large city in the U.S. That being said, they’re everywhere. It’s not just right here in Portland. There are also peep show places, adult shops, bikini coffee shops (that must be a PacNW thing), all over the place. When I ask any native about this, I get mixed answers. Maybe it’s because OR is one of the only states that allows full nudity. Or, it’s because back in the day, this state was overrun with lots of lonely loggers. ;-)
2. OMG, I don’t have to register my car for another 2 years. Also, my license doesn’t expire for another 6! Like like like.
1. There is no In ‘N’ Out.
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
Mothers of Teens Know Why Animals Eat Their Young...
Usually, I post things about parenting that involve diapering, and proud moments, and smiles, and accomplishments. I am not one to just blog away and overshare things that are deeply personal, but I will say this. I am pregnant right now, with my third child. I don't think anything is more difficult than being the parent of a teen, along with young children. The emotional turmoil, along with the physical exhaustion is almost unbearable at times. There are so many contrasting issues that all need your attention. Teens need their parents more than ever, but it is so easy for us to just let so much go that we shouldn't, out of complete frustration and aggravation. As I am in the midst of all this homonal turmoil, I feel like I am possibly in the biggest battle of my mommyhood life, and that it will continue for quite some time.....however, I'm not giving up. I may even laugh a little bit along the way. Feel free to add to these hilarious, yet all too true quotations about parenting young adults.....
Mothers of teens know why animals eat their young.
There's nothing wrong with teenagers that reasoning with them won't aggravate.
Raising teens is like nailing jello to a wall.
Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.
A baby-sitter is a teenager acting like an adult while the adults are out acting like teenagers.
Never in the fields of teenage hormones, was so much utter crap spouted by so many and regretted by so few.
Few things are more satisfying than seeing your children have teenagers of their own. That one's for you, mom. ;-)
Mothers of teens know why animals eat their young.
There's nothing wrong with teenagers that reasoning with them won't aggravate.
Raising teens is like nailing jello to a wall.
Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.
A baby-sitter is a teenager acting like an adult while the adults are out acting like teenagers.
Never in the fields of teenage hormones, was so much utter crap spouted by so many and regretted by so few.
Few things are more satisfying than seeing your children have teenagers of their own. That one's for you, mom. ;-)
Saturday, May 5, 2012
Thursday, May 3, 2012
Top 10 Things I Wish Someone Had Told Me....
(About Pregnancy)
You would think I'm a pro at this point. After all, this is my third trip down pregnancy lane. I should be sipping tea and feeling oh so zen, as I knit baby booties, listening to Pandora, all the while preparing a homemade meal from scratch for the family. All this as my perfect children occupy themselves with interactive and educational activities, so I can get something done! Yes, Reginald is in his playpen thumbing through his Baby Sign Language books right now...practicing, he's most definitely NOT banging on the sliding glass door with greased up banana hands while pooping in his generic brand disposable diaper. Also, Naomi is at her desk doing her homework and preparing for finals. She's not on You Tube, or texting 500 words per minute to 5 different friends simultaneously. She is pretty perfect though, she is great at multi-tasking.
So, to put it plainly. Iknow a lot DON'T know everything when it comes to being a preggie, or a mother for that matter. Every pregnancy is different, every child comes with their own natural disposition. I am a student of life, and learning a lot as I go - just like everyone else. I may have obsessed for several years over childhood development, and although it has made parenting so much easier for me, this just makes me kind of a weirdo, honestly. Singing nursery rhymes, (knowing all of them by heart) and getting excited about picture books and story time, sensory tables, and different recipes for playdough and flubber is not normal for most adults.
So, there will probably be a series of these Top 10 Lists. I'm starting from scratch. I'm starting from the beginning. Well, no. Let's skip the VERY beginning. I'm starting with pregnancy. Top 10 Things I Wish Someone Had Told Me....About Pregnancy.
10) Hormones. They start swinging before you even test positive. No, it is not normal to ugly cry every time you see that Folger's commercial where the kid comes home from college, and his sister tells him how much she's missed him.....oh hell. Make it stop.
9) Hormones, again. This one is for your spouse. "No, I'm fine. Nothing's wrong." Translation...."Yes, everything is wrong, and it's pretty much everything you said and how you said it." Insert ugly cry.
8) Do not obsess about your weight, at least try not to. Eat, and eat well. You are nurturing a human life that is growing inside of you. Yes, it's true, you are not supposed toeat for two double your portion size, but if you are hungry, then eat for jeeper's sakes. Keep granola bars in your purse, or an apple - to help you out if you find yourself feeling a little sluggish and lightheaded while you are out and about. Stop counting calories and somebody please pass the potatoes! Most women are constantly obsessing about weight, and dress size. Now is not that time. Yes, eat healthy, and indulge just a little, but for God's sake. Eat. This does not include the first trimester, when I spent the majority of all my pregnancies hovering in a pergatory state of nausea while nibbling on saltine crackers.
7) Pickles are not your friend. I love salt. If there were a platter of potato chips on one side of the counter, and chocolate cupcakes on the other....I would pick the greasy crunchy salted potato chips, any day. Pregnant or not. However, pregnant. Not. No. Watch the salt, high blood pressure and pre-eclampsia is no joke. Ditch it, and only meet up with it sparingly. No bueno. I had a hard time saying no to salt with my first pregnancy, and I had the edema to prove it. Although, some of us get edema because we are pre-disposed. Another fun side effect of carrying a baby in your uterus for 9 months.
6) Boobs. Drop some serious coin on a good supporting bra or two. Maybe take a mental picture, because they will change. That's all I'm going to say about that. ;-)
5) Skin. It will stretch, weird things will probably appear. Some will fade and disappear, others will take up residence and decide to stay. It's nothing to be ashamed of, and don't let anyone tell you different. However, take care of yourself and baby your skin with good lotions. You deserve it. I spent almost 30 dollars on a bottle of oily cocoa lotion for my expanding skin, and it was worth it, plus it made me smell good.
4) Sleep. I don't think I really need to expand on this one. We all know what's coming, while you are waiting, sleep - and cherish it.
3) Enlist Your Bulldog. Unless you have an inner bulldog, and you can tell people no without hesitation. This is not me. I entrust these duties to my loving partner - who is happy to tell people no on my behalf. When I am feeling just too pregnant, or tired to have visitors, or if I just cannot volunteer for one more thing. He's my guy. Also, when you're out in public and 10 months pregnant, let him answer all the endless and annoying questions from strangers about when your baby may or may not be coming, as you look on and smile.
2) Castor Oil, Enemas, etc. Just say no. I'm so glad I did. Your baby will come, trust your body, and your midwife or doctor.
1) Lighten Up. This is a difficult one, because of the hormone thing. However, in the grand scheme of things - people just can't help but dole out all sorts of wanted a$$vice when they see a growing belly or a newborn baby. Some is actually sweet and helpful, and harmless, and some will make you want to scream. Just smile and nod, and shrug it off if you can. This is your time, and your baby. In the end, you have the final say, and in the end this is the most miraculous and beautiful life changing thing that you will ever experience, enjoy it - and savor it. It's only for a moment, and then it's gone.
Coming soon....Top 10 Things I Wish Someone Had Told Me About Moving Out of State. (To Oregon, more specifically)
(About Pregnancy)
You would think I'm a pro at this point. After all, this is my third trip down pregnancy lane. I should be sipping tea and feeling oh so zen, as I knit baby booties, listening to Pandora, all the while preparing a homemade meal from scratch for the family. All this as my perfect children occupy themselves with interactive and educational activities, so I can get something done! Yes, Reginald is in his playpen thumbing through his Baby Sign Language books right now...practicing, he's most definitely NOT banging on the sliding glass door with greased up banana hands while pooping in his generic brand disposable diaper. Also, Naomi is at her desk doing her homework and preparing for finals. She's not on You Tube, or texting 500 words per minute to 5 different friends simultaneously. She is pretty perfect though, she is great at multi-tasking.
So, to put it plainly. I
So, there will probably be a series of these Top 10 Lists. I'm starting from scratch. I'm starting from the beginning. Well, no. Let's skip the VERY beginning. I'm starting with pregnancy. Top 10 Things I Wish Someone Had Told Me....About Pregnancy.
10) Hormones. They start swinging before you even test positive. No, it is not normal to ugly cry every time you see that Folger's commercial where the kid comes home from college, and his sister tells him how much she's missed him.....oh hell. Make it stop.
9) Hormones, again. This one is for your spouse. "No, I'm fine. Nothing's wrong." Translation...."Yes, everything is wrong, and it's pretty much everything you said and how you said it." Insert ugly cry.
8) Do not obsess about your weight, at least try not to. Eat, and eat well. You are nurturing a human life that is growing inside of you. Yes, it's true, you are not supposed to
7) Pickles are not your friend. I love salt. If there were a platter of potato chips on one side of the counter, and chocolate cupcakes on the other....I would pick the greasy crunchy salted potato chips, any day. Pregnant or not. However, pregnant. Not. No. Watch the salt, high blood pressure and pre-eclampsia is no joke. Ditch it, and only meet up with it sparingly. No bueno. I had a hard time saying no to salt with my first pregnancy, and I had the edema to prove it. Although, some of us get edema because we are pre-disposed. Another fun side effect of carrying a baby in your uterus for 9 months.
6) Boobs. Drop some serious coin on a good supporting bra or two. Maybe take a mental picture, because they will change. That's all I'm going to say about that. ;-)
BEFORE
AFTER
AKA: Pie Boobs?
Ha! Yeah right. Nobody looks like this pregnant, and you won't and it's okay.
4) Sleep. I don't think I really need to expand on this one. We all know what's coming, while you are waiting, sleep - and cherish it.
3) Enlist Your Bulldog. Unless you have an inner bulldog, and you can tell people no without hesitation. This is not me. I entrust these duties to my loving partner - who is happy to tell people no on my behalf. When I am feeling just too pregnant, or tired to have visitors, or if I just cannot volunteer for one more thing. He's my guy. Also, when you're out in public and 10 months pregnant, let him answer all the endless and annoying questions from strangers about when your baby may or may not be coming, as you look on and smile.
2) Castor Oil, Enemas, etc. Just say no. I'm so glad I did. Your baby will come, trust your body, and your midwife or doctor.
1) Lighten Up. This is a difficult one, because of the hormone thing. However, in the grand scheme of things - people just can't help but dole out all sorts of wanted a$$vice when they see a growing belly or a newborn baby. Some is actually sweet and helpful, and harmless, and some will make you want to scream. Just smile and nod, and shrug it off if you can. This is your time, and your baby. In the end, you have the final say, and in the end this is the most miraculous and beautiful life changing thing that you will ever experience, enjoy it - and savor it. It's only for a moment, and then it's gone.
Coming soon....Top 10 Things I Wish Someone Had Told Me About Moving Out of State. (To Oregon, more specifically)
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