When You Slide Into First....

We all know how that one ends, and so does every fourth grader on the planet.  I cannot and will not even begin to describe the smells that I have been subjected to this last week from my two sweet little boys.  All I can say is that - I'm so glad we have held off on potty training Sir Reg, because this last week would have been a major setback, full of confusion,  scary squirts, screams, missed targets, and a year's worth of Spot Shot.  Which, by the way, I am very disappointed in.  I think I would have been better off with club soda and baking soda.   My carpet looks like it is home to a plethora of animals who shit and piss freely.  I have no animals, and I do not let my kids have bodily functions at will on my carpet, it just looks like I do.   I swear it's from those damn sippy cups with their false advertisement of no spilling - and probably the fact that I gave up on banning snacks in the living room the first time Reggie got sick.  I swear he smears his crackers into the carpet when I am not looking.  His little brother is no innocent either.  I've seen him dribble his milk and dangle his bottle upside down from his exersaucer more than once.  While laughing.  Not to mention, Topher laughs like Beavis.  I've been meaning to get it on tape.  I will upload something soon, and hopefully it gets a million hits and we get a commercial deal or something.  I'm aiming high.

 

That all being said.  I hate carpet.  Most of all, I hate my carpet.  I hate that it's in my dining room, and I would give my right arm, well no, left.  I would give my left arm for wood or vinyl floors.  Okay, maybe just my left pinky.   Someday.....

I think I kind of lost track on what on earth this post was even supposed to be about.  Maybe that, when your kids are sick - and you are too, you kind of just go into "Anything Goes" mode.  My apartment is a wreck right now, it looks like the couch is eating the laundry, and I'm pretty sure that something died in the garbage disposal.  I think that we are all just kind of letting the small stuff go right now, or at least trying to. 

Oh, and warning, there is some really nasty ass bacterial thing going around, and it's highly contagious.  So yeah, use those wipes at the grocery store - and sing happy birthday when you wash your hands.  No more half-assing it.  No foam, no point.  The soap needs to foam.  Otherwise, you may as well just walk past the faucet and stick your fingers in your mouth and your butt all day long, while touching everything in sight in all the public places you visit.


Also, steer clear of small children.  They harbor all kinds of un-godly things.  Unless you have some of your own, then just hope and pray for the best, which didn't really work for me this time around.  The boys refuse to wear a mask, (I don't know how MJ pulled this off with his kids) and they only wash their hands when I force them to.   ;-)